Just a Memory

I didnt get dinner dishes
Brought from our neighbors.
I didnt get condolence cards, Or flowers.
I wasnt allowed Grieving time,
or happy memories.

I dont have a lot of pictures of us,
the whole experience is a Blur.
How did we start as a happy Family,
and end up so distant and angry?

I wasnt allowed to hug you, I cried from
 a distance,
I saw you have a stroke,
I saw you take your last breath.

But as the lies unfolded in front of me,
the truth was an evil Image Of you.
Bitter?  yes! angry? Yes!
I lost my husband, to multiple diseases.
Addiction, STD, compulsive lying.

but You labeled me the bad person..
Can I forgive? No, can I forget?
No. Will I get through? Absolutely.

Why am I still so angry, so hateful?
The fire explodes when your name is mentioned, or just the thought.
and my Emotions are enraged.. 

I’m losing this battle,
my energy and love is dissolving,
And just turning to dust.

I’m so alone, distant,
but not falling Apart.
The last thing I said as you died,
I’m sorry I couldnt save you.”
As tears Engulfed me, over flowing, and sadness Tore my sole apart.

~Carrie Labiak ~