Author Archives: Carrie Labiak

I can’t be bitterWith you.For youWe’re fightingYour own demons. Trying to escapeYour world.Trying to maskYour pain. You,Were raised different,You,Had your own warTo trudge Through. You just wantedTo come home,Relax to peace.Have dinner,Talk; I’m sure of it. You feared itAs much as me.Not knowingHow the night will end up.What wordIs going to start the fight. WouldContinue reading “Mama”

Cover up,HidingBehind this laugh. A frown,Tucked awayBehind a smile. Let’s not forget,Lipgloss,To make myConcealed screamsPretty. My faceCovered in make up,Hair colored,Cut, styled. Is the imageI’m trying to keep,Mine?Am I maskingFor something I’m not? What am I hiding?What am I seeking?Is this notThe lifeI’m meant to have?To live? I feel lost,But I knowWhere I am.I feelContinue reading “Concealed”

I didnt get dinner dishesBrought from our neighbors.I didnt get condolence cards, Or flowers.I wasnt allowed Grieving time,or happy memories. I dont have a lot of pictures of us,the whole experience is a Blur.How did we start as a happy Family,and end up so distant and angry? I wasnt allowed to hug you, I criedContinue reading “Just a Memory”

Am I broken?Was I broken?Where are the pieces?I’ve looked and looked. I feel whole,I felt empty,Now I feelFull. What was once broken,Healed.Or, at least,Mended for now. The broken pieces,Since are no where to found,Weren’t meant to be there,In the first place. There’s a reason,I was broken,To healAs the personI am today. Maybe I should quitContinue reading “Broken?”

I faced youIn My dream.Everyone acting normal,Like nothing happened. I startedStrangling you.I hate you.No, not strong enoughOf a word. Abominate,It sounds more hateful.The DisgustI have towards you. The anger,Towards myselfFor allowing it to happen.The silence that broke me. You preyedOn the weak,For your own,Sick, twisted, sexual preferences. Eight year Olds.Youre a drunken pedophile,And I wasContinue reading “Face to Face”

The unimaginable,Tears flow like a river,Just thinking about it..I can’t. How could I go on,Knowing you’re not here.When I cant call you,See you, Hug you. All the I love yous,The banter,The laughs,Even the arguing. How can I wake upEach day,Not having you here?I dont have the courage. The emptiness,Its so dark,Bleak,Dense with burden. My heartContinue reading “To Live Without You”

I lost youOver a decade ago.With very little warning sign,With so many unanswered questions. I’ve moved on,Forgiven you,I’ve ler go,Why can’t you? I close my eyes,I dream of you.Always the same one,Me begging you, to love us. You come home drunk,We argue,You lie,I keep holding on. You say,“no I haven’t been drinking.”I’m looking right atContinue reading “Reoccurring Dream”

I hear people say,“If it were my child, I would…”I hear it everyday.I loathe that statement. If it were your child,I would hope,You wouldn’t have to dealwith addiction. If it were your child,I hope you get all the answers,All the resources,All the prayers in the world. The way I’ve handled this,The cards I’ve been dealt,TheContinue reading “Your Child”

I loved you,From the first time I saw you,We were so young,Foolish, teenagers. Timing was unimaginable,High school.But, I knew it was love.We were destined to be together. We had a family,So much to learn,But we will grow together. From place to place,Fight after fight.Our love was strong. Life has an awful way of turning dark.ProblemContinue reading “Pictures on the Wall”

I gave you my all,Love, attention, my heart.I was your servant,Your punching bag. I took it,Day in and day out,Lower and lower you knocked me down.I took your hateful words, actionsTill I had nothing left of me. I envied your freedom,Your independence,I grieved your loss of loyalty, faithfulness. In the midst of this battle,The truthContinue reading “Betrayed”