Im not a slut,
Im not easy,
My past,
Drove me into chaos.

Everytime
I got drunk,
I prayed I wouldnt wake up.

Drinking,
Sex with strangers,
No love
For myself.

My adolescence,
Was stolen.
And replaced with
Actions that i thought
Men wanted.

So when I say
My past was complicated.
It was complex,
To say the least.

~Carrie Labiak ~

I heard your voice today,
Echoing of the leaves
As the wind carried
The sound away.

I felt Your touch,
A small stroke
On my arm,
From the wind
That called your voice.

I saw you,
In the reflection
Of a slow flowing river.
Then, it disappeared
From the ripple in water.

You disappeared,
But you’re not gone.
You’re all around us,
Whispering, Touching, Looking.

Where will you be tomorrow?
Here, or there?
Continue to guide us,
Protect us.

I hear your voice everyday,
As the wind whispers
Through the tall grass,
And fields of your favorite flowers.

Happy Birthday Momma,
Thank you for blessing
Us with the gift of life.

~Carrie Labiak ~

I walked in,
To the front desk,
I was 16.
Sweating.

My heart Pounding,
I was ashamed.
The Officer looked at me.
I said,”I need to file a complaint.”

I said it,
And it’s happening.
Maybe,
It’ll stop.

1987?
They took me back,
Sat me down.
I started talking, unloading.

I just wanted Justice,
Help,
Someone to listen.
Someone to believe me.

They listened,
Started a plan.
I had to get my attacker
On the phone,
And have him admit
What he had done.

I was nervous,
Shaking.
I dialed the number,
He answered.

I exhaled,
Tommy,
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you
Repeatedly, attack me
For so long?

The Officers were recording
The conversation.
Tommy hung up on me.
They had no proof.

I felt defeated
And strong
All in one.
It was just the beginning.
Of a long nightmare.

~Carrie Labiak ~

Sun rays,
Gleaming down,
Feeding,
All the living things,
God has created.

Formed from seeds,
Planted in the bed
Of earth.
Rain, sun,
Rain, sun.

Growth appears,
Green leaves,
Stem,
Then the bud
Of flower.

It’s in full blossom,
Petals spread out
Stretching.
The colors,
The shade
The most brilliant yellow.

A field of yellow,
An occasional blue,
Maybe a violet.
Sculpted,
By the sculptor,
All in his glory.

Beautiful flowers,
Bloomed,
On God’s canvas.

~Carrie Labiak ~

I lost my mother last week. Now I dream every night about her. I see her more now than when she was alive. She’s always younger in my dreams, full of life, no gasping for air.. I think it’s hitting me that she’s gone.. mom’s gone.

An on going battle,
Pleading with you
To just breathe
Another day.

Fighting to show you
The good in life,
The reasons
To see another sunset.

Guiding you
In the direction
Of self worth,
Self love.

It’s ok,
To feel
Important enough
To want to be alive.

You feel
Undeserving,
Unworthy,
Unloved.

We tell you
We love you,
We try and help you,
I love you.

I don’t think
It’s us,
It’s the process,
The work to put into it.

The work to
Make amends,
To make your life,
Liveable.

It starts with you,
Love yourself.

~Carrie Labiak~

Yet again,
Night after night.
You haunt my dreams
With just your appearance.

Again,
You creep in my bed,
Take
What is not yours.

Take,
What I will never
Get back.
Killed my Innocence.

Shattered my spirit,
Suffocating my
Dreams,
Silencing my
Cries.

You used
Your dominance,
To gain my submission.
I cowered at your feet.

I hated you,
With every
Breath I took,
I longed for your death.

~Carrie Labiak ~

I’m 12,
Tommy kept me home
From school.
Mom’s at work.

There’s a familiar
Type of tension
In the air,
Thick.

Stale cigarettes,
The stench
Of his breath.
Fear.

I’m a coward,
I dont even fight
Anymore.
Does that mean
I asked for it?

I’m looking at my body
From above my bed.
I’m looking at myself,
Disgusted.

Fight Dammit!!
Scream!!
Whats the point,
No one cares.

Maybe I lost
Consciousness,
I dont remember
What happened
At the end.

It’s over,
I lay in bed
Crying,
Wishing I was
At school.

Have you ever
Looked in the mirror,
And hated every inch
Of yourself.

Have you ever,
Wanted death
More than anything?

Oh, how I loathed life.

~Carrie Labiak ~

Lungs,
Filled with
Doubt.
Filling,
Every organ
Till I can’t move.

Immobilized,
Trapped,
In this spot.
Fear,
Drapes my skin.

Paralyzed,
From
Self sabotage.
These voices,
Making me
Rooted to this spot.

Feet,
Weighted.
Body,
Empty of emotion.
Just existing
In a cold world.

Heart,
Beating fast,
Breathing,
Shallow.
I lay in
Fetal position;

Too numb
To live.

~Carrie Labiak ~

The safest,
Deepest eyes.
Brown,
Color of calm.

Hands,
Soft to the
Touch.
Heart,
So inviting.

Your scent,
Hypnotic.
Embrace,
Harmless.

Undeniable,
The amount of
Love,
That flows through
My veins.

What can I do
To show my love
For you?
How can I
Make your heart melt,
Like you do mine?

How do I soothe,
My hunger,
For your touch?

Don’t you see?
I love you,
Indefinitely.

~Carrie Labiak ~